when they always keep themself first

Question: what should you do in a relationship where your partner always keep themself at priority? Irrespective of your request, your ask, your needs. Its always their needs precede yours.

They want to have food, you have to arrange food. They want to take a stroll, you have to take a stroll. They want to hug, you HAVE to hug, because if you don't that clearly mean "you don't love them".

What is the solution to this tyranny? how can you explain your point of view, your perspective your feelings, your reasons to them? How can you explain that you are hurt because of their actions?

No Motivation, Brain also does not helps

I am in this peculiarly absurd position where I have to change the job, and get into a better company. For that I have learn a particular set of skills, which I am trying to acquire from past 9 years. I can not say that there is no progress, but its almost as equal to none.

My brain keep giving me reason for not following through and it insults me a day or two after when I fall back.

Relying on my brain for the motivation and keeping me consistent is failing me again and again. I need some external factors pushing me for this, which I don't have access to. I initially thought my spouse will help me but they are busy in their own world and have their own infinite chores to finish.

Everyone around who is aware of this intention of mine keeps asking, "when are you going to change the job, its been so long you are working for the same company". I have no answer for them, I keep falling back. :(

I am not sure how I will be able to finish this or if I will ever be able to finish this race?

Stop considering your partner as your student

We often do this mistake of considering our partner as our student and try to teach them or tell them what is good and what is bad. Well, that is the first mistake to spoil the whole relationship dynamics.

They also have an identity outside the relationship, and they have also learned a lot of things on their own before they met you, also continuing this learning even when they are with you. So, stop thinking that they need to be taught like a kid.

Not everyone No one likes to be corrected every time. 

There is one spiritual leader whose one statement I like a lot "I don't teach anyone anything until they come and ask me, even its my own kid". If you consider this, you might be a lot happy.

What ever you are considering is good for your partner that has to come from within them. You can't force that from outside. Its as simple as motivation. Its available all over internet, but it will only work when it comes from within you.

• Don't tell them what is right and what is wrong.
• Stop correcting them every now and then.
• Don't force them to do things, they don't want to do.
• Stop imposing your choices on them.

Even if all of the above means spoiling themselves, let them do it. Every human being has a learning curve it has to go through to become a better version of themselves. It is highly probable that they consider themself a good version of their own and have no intentions to correct or better themselves. In such a scenario it becomes very difficult to force them to do things. Spoiling your relationship for this can be considered a kids act.

Achieving goals

 What makes you set goals? Desire to achieve something is usually the answer.

What happens when you set them and not being able to achieve? If your desire is very strong to achieve you will not be able to sleep properly and keep thinking about the goal.

If there is something that is not letting you achieve it, you either start fighting with it or try finding the solution on how to get past it. What happens when you are not let to do any of that? You get frustrated, you try for sometime and then you eventually give up. when you give up, you just not only give up on your goal, you also give up on your life, on all your dreams.

why does it happens that way? why can not a human being think of a solution to get what they want within the boundary of what they are let to work with. why is it that everything has to happen according to the way they are thinking and then only they will be able to do something. Well, this premise is very wrong, if you have to work on something you have to start working where you are and from what you have.

If your spouse or your parents are not letting you achieve the goal, think of a solution you can do that from outside your house. If it is your manager who is stopping you, think how can you do it outside your office. If its the world who is stopping you from achieving, I would say think again. Universe is here to grant your wishes not to stop you from achieving them.

Being sad or angry for no reason

 How many times it has happened that you are ok, and then suddenly at next moment you are angry and without any reason, there is nothing that has happened in your life, or anything that you can think that makes sense. 

Why does this happens? Subconscious, you have thought about something just for a micro/mili second and it has been processed by your subconscious mind and it is not showing its results which are totally not in your hand. what can you do about this issue? Think about only good things? as I said before its not about you thinking about wrong thing, in-fact its not at all in your hand, you can not do anything about it.

Your subconscious keeps throwing thoughts at you and keep processing those thoughts, So basically your life is 80% run by your subconscious and merely 20% by what you are doing consciously. Most of the things that you are doing consciously are driven by your subconscious.

What is the solution? Read something good when you go-to bed and when you wakeup. So, the first thing of the day and the last thing of the day has to be something good, not some gossip, not thinking about what bad your in-laws did to you, what your neighbors are doing to you and how they are lying about small small things. Thinking nothing about that is going to help you. 

I guess the only solution is to train your brain that even subconsciously it should not throw any bad thought at you making you sad or angry.

Dealing with change - Moving out

It felt weird when he asked "when are you vacating". I have been here for nearly 5years and vacating now feels like going away from home. 

I don’t have any such attachment with the place or the home. Its just when someone asks you about that. You feel different. It felt like he woke up something which was long asleep "my sense of home, away from home." 

Now I am going to a new place, how things will be managed? How am I going to adjust? What will be the problems? I have no clue. I don’t know what to think about and also don’t know why to think about it. But this is true, It is bothering me. 

I am not able to go back to sleep since after I answered his question. I replied "This weekend probably". 

I am not able to answer anyone with confidence that I am vacating. I just announced, I might be vacating, but when, I did not tell. Telling everyone the same thing, probably this weekend. Probably this month-end. 

It’s a different feeling, I never thought I had to leave this place this soon. 

 

As they say "change is the only constant in life". Yeah that is true, but cannot I even crib about it? 

This is weird. 

Problem with parents

 I don’t really know what is wrong with parents, specially Indian/Asian parents. Why the can not let their kids grow up? Why is it they always keep talking to them like they are 10 years old? 

I don’t know. I am here just to write out my frustration. They want you to get married soon, I mean I understand the original psychology, but really you want us to get married then at least let us take few decisions. But no, you cant decide  on anything in this world. Not even the clothes you like. It has to be what they like you wearing. You have to follow all that. Once you get married, things change fast, not for good for sure.

They want you to grow, but they don't want you experiment it. They want you to try everything as they have experienced. If you are trying or doing anything else, you are doing something wrong.

Oh god. Its so difficult being a human. specially if you think a lot..

I was just thinking about 2 things today and they are 

1. Think only about the things that are in same room as you. (tackles overthinking)
2. Silence

The first one helps to being present and eradicate all the non-sense overthinking you keep doing.

The second one helps you reduce the problems you create by speaking, reminds me of two beautiful quotes.

Silence is the key to self preservation.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.