Should we all learn conflict resolution?

This is not a blog on conflict resolution. This is my personal experience.

 Well, today on a call with my manager I learned a very good lesson on conflict resolution. There was another guy from different team who was helping us with an action item.You know how now a days one team has to depend on other to get their work done, same scene.

So this guy was pretty adamant on few things, and said he can not move ahead with our request and have to dump it there. At first, like any other normal person my manager started arguing about the process and the time they have taken to bring this point forward. Then he suddenly in between the call changed his tone and started digging deep into his objections. He was like an interrogator, "Ok, so you feel this is wrong. What would have been in this place?" and started asking such questions. Then later some time he said, "Can you give me your top 3-4 objection points which we can work on to move this thing forward". I was totally amazed by this statement. Its like the best statement I have heard anybody making where both the parties agree that they are right and the other one has to correct themselves.

Then the other person also started to loosen up. He said "no, its not like this, we get our instructions from top and I can not disobey them" and that discussion went ahead. My manager still did not give him any of his answers clearly, but the other guy still agreed to keep working on our item and said he will do the needful changes and share a draft with us for review.

This totally sounded like a win to me. I mean the guy who was arguing and was not ready to budge at all is now ready to share a draft. This is like a huge accomplishment.

Lesson learned here is "If the other person is persistent, you can only break him down by being persistent, logical and calm.". All three at the same time. Try to dig deep into his objections. Try to learn what is the root cause of the objection

Does your age makes you stuborn, or you are born that way?

 Okay, so the title might looks like I am confused. Actually I really am. I am not sure if the age and living alone from past 7 years has made me stubborn or was I like that before.

I too often find it difficult to talk to people who do what they want to do that concerns my life and give me a very sweet good reason for what they are doing. I too often find not speaking some harsh word or loosing my temper in front of people who try to push me and give some pretty reason for doing so.

My confusion originates from a recent incident where I have to come to terms that what ever the other person is doing for me is actually good. Even they went out of the way for it, which I did not like in any manner. But the reasoning they have is, "you will not be able to do this whole week, let me do it for you on this weekend since you are busy". Godammit, I know how to take care of my self and how to do my chores. I don't need your help with it.

why the hell are you showing this mercy to me. I did not ask for it. Keep it for someone else. 

There are other too many issues which I would like to state, but I guess they will change the direction of this post. Keeping it short. I am very angry with such behavior and I condemn it, without my liking I don't want anyone to be helping me out. If I ask for help, help me. Otherwise stay away. I know how to manage my shit. Fuck OFF.

Do I deserve to have a partner

Well, that question crossed my mind today after having a very idiotic discussion with a person I met on a dating website.
So, we were talking from around 2 months over call and before that we were chatting for around 2 months. So, total 4 months of engagement with the person. I got ghosted last week, I was not able to reach by any means, when suddenly one of my text got answered and somehow I convinced them to talk to me. I got response "Lets talk on the weekend.". Weekend was still 2 days away, I wanted to talk badly as it was already 4-5 days of ghosting, I was way too much involved in it and not talking was almost killing me. The first day when we did not talk, I felt like someone punched me in the gut.

I tried pinging the next but did not get any response. Finally the weekend was here. I was waiting since morning to talk, but you know its not good to call someone in the morning when you have so much baggage & specially in such scenario when you almost begged to talk. Any thing you do can push them away. I waited till noon, getting restless "when will they call, when will I get to talk". You know when you feel a fling or like talking to someone, how hard is it to stay away.

I did not get call till 3PM. I now decided to call, and I did. But as usual, my call went unanswered. So I tried again after some time. No use, again unanswered. Then I sent a text message thinking lets see what happens. Lucky me, I got a response. 😉 "was doing chores, will call you in sometime". Obviously this is paraphrased. ;) I was very happy, thinking I will say this, will say that. started roaming all over my place waiting in anxiety.

One hour later I got the call, After asking well being and office situation I asked the question of the hour "what happened" and got the response  "I did not feel the connection". I tried to convince telling all the things we talked about and other things we tried figuring out, but was of no use. They were mostly silent on the call. Then suddenly I heard a scream "Please ........". I was like what the shit. what happened. and they went silent after that. I asked repeatedly, what happened. I did not get the response. They disconnected the call after 5 seconds of silence. I called back but that went unanswered.

After that I decided not to disturb and call back ever again. I deleted the number and all the chat from my mobile. Its time to delete all the media I received as well. I was too good I think. It made me think, do I deserve to have a partner? What made them scream at me? I guess it was my persistance in making them think we have something, making them feel good against their wishes. Telling them its going to be ok give me sometime.
Well who ever said we should give hope to people, certainly has not thought about this scenario. 😉

Parasitic neighbors and pandemic

Its May 2020. World is already suffering with so many losses due to the pandemic, Corona virus. People are trying to save their jobs, working from home. So many industries have taken hit. In short things are not very good around the globe this time.

What can be worse than having idiot neighbors during this time? I am not able to think of any. (:

So, how you get to know your neighbors are actually idiots, or they are trying to get the best of you without providing anything in return. Sucking you like a leech. Its not that hard to identify.

My neighbors keep knocking my door, even when they get out clean their vehicle, Or if they are out just for the fresh air they knock. I once asked, what is the reason for such frequent knocks, then the reply came "Oh, you know I was getting bored cleaning my vehicle, thought we can chat for a moment till I clean it and it will be a good time pass." I face-palmed my self in my brain and said in a very loud voice "You idiot, I was working on something important with focus, and you thought it will be a good time to talk shit and do time pass".

What the hell has happened to people during this technologically advanced era? People can not stay alone for a while, They need someone to talk to in very few minutes, keep checking their phones, can not stay focused on what you are saying, can not let you complete the sentence. I don't know where we are going, but the journey is not looking very good.

Handling rejections in friendship

If you are out of college long time ago, Trying to find new friends can be a challenge. Getting rejected by them cracks the heart. Ghosting is a new thing in trend. People now a days don't usually convey the message directly. They prefer not to reply and ignore you, which can be more devastating if you a old school person and prefer to keep things clear.

The trend is trend and we can not stop people from doing what they do. It is our responsibility to tell the correct things but we can not parent everyone. Remember we were just looking for friends and not trying to parent someone.

So, here goes my personal experience. First of all its very difficult to find a friend in your thirties, If you find one and you think things are going great and smooth, you have a vibe and you can make things work out, suddenly you stop getting replies for you messages and calls.For that I am like what the shit is wrong with you person. Can you not tell it to my face that you do not want to talk to me any more, or you have found some one better to talk to.

I don't understand this bull shit behavior of people. I am getting sick and tired of people doing this more. So, what I have decided from now on is, If I don't get reply from some person. It can be anyone in this world. I will reach out to them twice and if its 36 hours with no-reply, I will just go ahead and delete their number, chat, call logs and everything. Its can not be recovered. Its like burning the bridge behind you. So now your brain does not have an option to contact them, the only thing left in your hand is thinking about them, which, without getting message and calls from them will not last forever. I understand that pain is going to be there. It takes time to heal your self. If you have a support group you can reach out to it is good, but if you don't have anyone with you ghosting can leave you devastated. The only suggestion I have is to keep working as per your schedule, don't mess up your personal thing because of someone who doesn't even care to tell you the truth.

One last thing. Its time to move on !!